You Think Too Much! A life of thought…and some thoughts on life.

Do happy lifetime relationships really exist? With the complex nature of human beings, is it really possible to be happy with one person all your life?

It’s true that the nature of relationships has evolved over time, but this is an expected shift, as our means of communication, social structure and priorities change. From the cavemen days of courtship to the maturing interpretation of interpersonal relationships, both long-term and casual, the definitions of terms like committment, marriage, love and romance have changed visibly.

Some argue that people are more fickle today and likely to part ways at the first sign of trouble…but is this a flaw in present society or just a manifestation of the fact that men and women are more liberated and educated today? A few decades ago, a lot of couples stayed in dead relationships due to social pressure, economic reasons or just because the mindset didn’t allow for anything better. But if in today’s world, a person who’s been in a marriage for 20 years suddenly finds his/her ’soulmate’ and leaves their partner for the other…does this make them bad people? True, the issue of loyalty and doing what’s right arises…but then so does the fact that we only live once…and doesn’t everyone have the right to be happy? And just maybe the breakup is just the thing required to shake-up the other party into a better life…given time and healing (don’t we tend to settle into a comfort zone that eventually leads to the demise of love and romance…most woudn’t make that necessary effort to change - a system shock may be the only thing to get them to give a new meaning to their lives).

And then there’s the “r” word…Romance. What exactly does this mean to people today? How do people define ‘love’? Isn’t romance an self-created illusion based on our past experiences, nurture and expectations out of a relationship…something that hopefully both parties share? And do we realize the difference between the feeling of being in love…and what love really means and facilitates in reality? A great quote from the movie ‘Captain Corelli’s Mandolin’ that says it well…

Iannis: When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots are become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the desire to mate every second of the day. It is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every part of your body. No… don’t blush. I am telling you some truths. For that is just being in love; which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over, when being in love has burned away. Doesn’t sound very exciting, does it? But it is!

With relationships falling apart all around us, a question on most of our minds is this…”How do I know it’ll last?”…and that one question often leads to unfulfilling lives and the fear to ‘fall’ in love. I guess the best approach is to accept the fact ‘falling’ (in love) will hurt…no exceptions…and that given our complex natures there’s absolutely no telling that things will always stay the same. If life is a series of beautiful moments, why not give it a 100% and enjoy it while it lasts (and sometimes it really does last!). The best way of knowing if a relationship will last is to start it on the right grounds and on the basis of shared life values. It’s crucial that people identify what the most important things they want out of life are…and the more shared values there are, the stronger the likelihood of sticking by each other in times of emotional and real-life crises plus eventual disillusionment.

We all create the illusions we live in…and the bigger and grander the illusion, the harder the fall of minds and hearts. Reality can be bitter…but isn’t all ‘medicine’? I believe that a dose of reality, communication and shared values are just what the doctor orders for happy, healthy (and hopefully lifetime) relationships!