You Think Too Much! A life of thought…and some thoughts on life.

The phone call that changed my life also left me reeling and numb - the unthinkable had happened - my mom had been murdered, half a world away. Dealing with loss of a loved one in any circumstance is hard…even when you expect it to happen from a long-drawn illness, but a sudden unjustified blow like this was hard to wrap your mind around. What happened and everything that followed also gave me an interesting insight into how people react and behave when confronted with the losses of others. Some of the condolences and acknowledgements were quite heartfelt and didn’t involve much, yet left a lasting impression…and others were a downright amusing reminder of the fragile, superficial world we sometimes live in. Some of the interesting categories of people I’ve had the dis / pleasure of encountering…

• The Advisors: These are people who’ve experienced loss themselves and are wonderful at sharing their experiences and offering advice on how to handle emotion, duty and time to come. The reaction is usually that of ‘being in the know’ and may border on self-indulgence, often forgetting about the actual situation (and a different person…not them) at hand.
• The Companions: True friends that stick by you and offer you company and solace, even when nothing can or needs to be said. Often the best kind. It’s normal for humans to feel unworthy or incapable of doing anything important or useful in the midst of such pain and trauma…yet the best relationships are still built on just ‘being there’ when needed most. Words sometime just don’t work.

Continue reading ‘Acknowledging loss - Why are condolences so hard to offer? The types of mourners’

My first post since July. I’m back - this time hopefully for good.

I lost my mom to a heinous crime this July and things just haven’t been the same… the things I blogged about on this site and all the petty things that surround us day in, day out seemed pretty insignificant compared to the meaning and repurcussions of having to deal with the loss of a loved one, compounded by the fact of how it happened.

Well, it’s been half a year since that fateful day that sent everything into a dizzying spin. The people, problems and environment around me haven’t changed. And the world keeps spinning, unaware and unperturbed. But glad to say that out of the ashes comes a new hope, a new look at life…and hopefully less fear of the inconsequential.

Watch out world… I’m back to stir up a storm.

In the modern world of iPods, iPhones and the ever-more musical mobile phone…its hard for innocent bystanders not to be the target of dangerous secondary music these days. True, secondary music may not be quite as damaging to the health as the secondary smoke…but it can be just as obnoxious!

Case in point - while sitting in a bus (or other invigorating means of public transport) early in the morning (before you’ve had a chance to have decent cup of coffee) on the way to work, a fellow passenger decides that their nifty little musical gadget would make for a much more fascinating conversation than the human being sitting next to him/her. This considerate person then starts playing tunes at ear-splitting volume that earphones (or earplugs!) just can’t contain…thereby rendering the rest of the bus a reluctant audience, at the mercy of our new dj’s whimsies.



Continue reading ‘Musical Snacking and a reluctant audience - the dangers of secondary music’

Do happy lifetime relationships really exist? With the complex nature of human beings, is it really possible to be happy with one person all your life?

It’s true that the nature of relationships has evolved over time, but this is an expected shift, as our means of communication, social structure and priorities change. From the cavemen days of courtship to the maturing interpretation of interpersonal relationships, both long-term and casual, the definitions of terms like committment, marriage, love and romance have changed visibly.
Continue reading ‘Do happy lifetime relationships exist? Love, Relationships, Sacrifice & Illusions’

Ever notice the fact that the best love stories or the most memorable romances are mostly, if not always, tragedies? Guess it’s because no one really wants a dose of real life…after all we’re all IN it and living it day-in, day-out. Romance in itself is a concept created to help form and maintain intimate relationships…a useful illusion of sorts, one may say. What better way to maintain the illusion than to end the story when things are at their peak? After all, if Romeo and Juliet had to settle down to a life of babies, paying the bills, the occasional tiff and eventual disillusionment, the bard would’ve had a much harder time ‘wow’ing audiences. Guess that applies to other areas of life too…be it the lives of celebrities to musicians to politicians…or even your next-door neighbour with his/her whole life ahead of them…a life that could’ve been so bright if they just hadn’t left early. Do we spend to much time in our lives and in the society we’ve built chasing illusions…or are these eventually ambitious goals that leave us just short…but content with our achievements?

One of the most beautiful explorations of the mind and heart…and the volatility of our thoughts and emotions is the movie “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”, starring Jim Carry and Kate Winslet. I’ve watched the movie 3 times now and can’t help marvel at the excellent job Michel Gondry’s done of directing such a tough concept. Charlie Kaufmann does a fabulous job with the script…the twists and turns are characteristic, a little reminiscent of “Adaptation” from 2002. The plot is basically this…”A couple (Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet) undergo a procedure to erase each other from their memories when their relationship turns sour, but it is only through the process of loss that they discover what they had to begin with.”
Continue reading ‘Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind’

One of the most nostalgic and dreamy love songs is “Fields of Gold” by Sting, I think. I can’t help picturing the fields (almost like those in the movie Gladiator) and a fairy tale romance like no other…a song that truly speaks to the heart, in all it’s eloquent glory…“We’ll forget the sun in his jealous sky…As we lie in the fields of gold”

“Fields Of Gold” by Sting

You’ll remember me when the west wind moves
Upon the fields of barley
You’ll forget the sun in his jealous sky
As we walk in the fields of gold
Continue reading ‘A Fairy Tale Romance - Best Love Song - Fields of Gold by Sting’

Everyone has a different understanding, need and definition of romance…so it would be presumptuous to try and come up with a list that everyone agrees with. These are the movies that I feel truly define romance and leave you with a tingling that just won’t go away:

What Dreams May Come (1998)
Chris Neilson dies to find himself in a heaven more amazing than he could have ever dreamed of. There is one thing missing: his wife. After he dies, his wife, Annie killed herself and went to hell. Chris decides to risk eternity in hades for the small chance that he will be able to bring her back to heaven.
Continue reading ‘The Most Romantic Films Ever - Movies that define fairy tale romance’

Have you ever noticed that when men or women are single / alone…they tend to do their best to balance their strengths and weaknesses to best perform in society. E.g. if you’re an introvert and would rather spend your time alone in your time off, you still occasionally make the effort to mingle and interact with others to bring some sort of balance. Or if you’re not too fond of cleaning, you still do it occasionally if you’re alone, because no one else will.

However, when two people are in a relationship, living together, strengths seem to polarize a lot more than they normally would, i.e. especially if the partners have opposite personalities, you tend to become reliant on the other for the things you’re not so good at…and make much less of an effort than you would if you were alone. This is what I like to term ‘polarization in relationships’ (partners gravitating to their natural ‘poles’ of comfort)
Continue reading ‘Polarization in relationships plus the Urge to Merge? Dependence and self’

Reading the book Tuesdays with Morrie was quite a treat…the book is full of Morrie Schwartz’s wisdom on various aspects of life. One little story about the cycle of life and death was particularly moving…

“I heard a nice little story the other day,” Morrie says. He closes his eyes for a moment and I wait.

“Okay. The story is about a little wave, bobbing along in the ocean, having a grand old time. He’s enjoying the wind and the fresh air—until he notices the other waves in front of him, crashing against the shore.
Continue reading ‘All part of the same vast ocean…euphemism for the cycle of life and death’